I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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