Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
