Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
