i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
