If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize