i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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