youre lurking in front of me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
