he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fill condoms, not promises.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize