I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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