Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
