It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
