Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
