dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize