I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
