Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
