I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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