Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
