I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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