Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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