i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
