you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
