i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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