i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
