Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
