remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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