I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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