Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
