Little spoons don't ask big questions
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Vodka?
Forever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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