Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
