Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
