how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
