He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
