I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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