Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
