dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
