The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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