Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
