Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
