Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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