Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
