Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize