Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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