this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
