This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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