Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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