Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
