Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So vagazzling was a success
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
