So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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