And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
