every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
