Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
