i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
