What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize