Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
