there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
