he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
