good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
