god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
