So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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