so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
