On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
