She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
