I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
