I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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