His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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