I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
