My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
