I am puke
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
