I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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