matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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