Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
