Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
