Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
