I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
