oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
