So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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