I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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