Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
