I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
