Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
