Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
