i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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